Fear and the Sovereignty of God

I know that those of you who also read my husbands blog are thinking, “Hey, that is Curtis’ subject!” Sorry, but the heading really fits in with this post. As I was driving down 100th street tonight on my way to choir, it started raining pretty hard. I noticed a couple that was on the right hand shoulder of the road. They were walking swiftly, trying to beat the oncoming drops of rain. They were pushing an umbrella stroller in front of them. As I passed by, I glanced over at them and saw that they were pushing a little boy, probably a little over a year old. He had no coat on, no blanket, no hat, and there was no canopy over top of him — he was soaked. I continued my driving and thought to myself, “I have two empty seats right now in my car and an empty car seat for their child. I should pull over and offer them a ride.” However, I kept on driving, all of the while telling myself to just turn around and offer help. But fear settled into my head. The chances that they were going to murder me, kidnap me, or steal my car is pretty slim, but that is not what is told through the media. They tell when things go sour, but how many times do people offer help on the side of the road and nothing happens. It probably outweighs the bad 100,000 to 1. I arrived at the church for choir practice with my stomach in knots, my fear of circumstances had gotten the better of me. I guess that I am not like Paul who can say “For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain.” But Paul didn’t have kids, he wasn’t married. How can someone like me say that? I know where I am going when I die, there is no doubt in my mind. But I am scared for my kids, my husband, my family. I wasn’t and still am not trusting in God’s sovereignty, and it is not the first time that this has happened. When Hannah had her seizure, and I was holding her limp body in my arms, I remember telling God that I wasn’t ready to let her go. Thankfully, through God’s grace, she was OK. But who am I to tell God anything except that I am wretched and that I deserve whatever He wills! I have to admit that this is such a struggle for me. Please, if you read this, pray that God will change my heart and grow me in this area. I am not understanding how fear and the sovereignty of God can co-exist. The thing is, they can’t. That is the bottom line.


Hitting Home

Growing up in my parents church, there was one family that I spent all of my time with: the Spurlings. At the time they had anywhere between, well, when I first met them they had three kids, when I left the church, they had seven. I had a good run on determining what sex their unborn kids would be; and I was correct 90% of the time. Number ten through me off. I still see them a few times a year, at church concerts and such. In fact, my mom and I were planning on going to their house this week to visit. However, I just read on her blog that her husband had a heart attack on Monday night. Talk about hitting home. Wes is healthy, he works hard for a living, and eats well. God is still gracious though; He preserved Wes’ life, and even if He didn’t, He would still be gracious. Please pray for Wes Spurling, his wife Pam, their eleven kids and three grandkids. I know that they would greatly appreciate it.

A little late….

So, this is almost a month late, but I am not fully understanding the new iphoto/ilife thing and how to upload them. Anywho, here are some pictures from Hannah’s birthday party from August 20. She didn’t eat cake or ice cream, and wouldn’t open her presents because everyone was looking at her, other then that she had fun.

God’s Grace is not in Vain

So, this morning I was reading in 1Corinthians 15, and verse 10 stuck out in a different way this morning. “But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain.” This has always been one of my favorite verse in the Corinthian letters because it is a slap in the face when you are complaining about where you are at in life. You are essentially complaining against God, that He did something wrong “By the grace of God I am what I am” However, this morning that is not what was brought to my attention. “His grace towards me was not in vain”. It was another gut check for me. Is God’s grace in MY life in vain? It is producing anything? What am I doing with His grace? Am I using it as a safe guard of my eternal destiny or more. Paul used it for something more as he goes on to say in verse 10 “….but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet, not I, but the grace of God which is in me.” He used the grace of God to work more effectively in his ministry…his life. I don’t want to just “rest in his grace” I want His grace to drive me to give of myself continually and fully. So, to the readers out there….how is God’s grace in you?

A Day at the Beach

So, on Labor Day we decided to hit the beach! We went to this little park in Everett called Howarth Park. It isn’t too well known and it is not an easy task to get there. But it is all sand and not a lot of people, which is always nice. Hannah freaked out when she got sand in her shoes, but then we switched to water shoes and she was fine. Ben, went crazy putting the sand in his hair and eating it! It was great and fun!